Peace & Patience, Pardon & Prayer

Benedictine Sisters Monastery in Tuscon AZ

Spanish-Renaissance-style Benedictine Sisters Monastery

Catherine Todd Thu, Aug 23, 2007 at 11:01 AM
To: "M.Elizabeth Krone"
To: Sister (Sr.) M. Elizabeth Krone, the Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration, 800 N Country Club Rd. TUCSON AZ 85716-4583. Telephone: (520) 325-6401. Email: osbtucson@benedictinesisters.org., Benedictine Monastery. www.benedictinesisters.org/

Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration, a monastic contemplative community which offers retreats, monastic experience, weekends of prayer.


Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration, www.benedictinesisters.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benedictine_Sisters_of_Perpetual_Adoration
http://curmudgeonkc.blogspot.com/2005/11/benedictine-convent-of-perpetual.html


(Note: I have edited this letter on this blog a bit, didn't send it all to Sr. Elizabeth)

Dear Sr. Elizabeth,

As you can see, I have spent the morning looking up information about your wonderful monastery on many sites, including Wikipedia, the Internet encyclopedia that anyone can add to! Your webmaster might even want to add more info to the Wikipedia site. Your own "real" website for all four monasteries of the Benedictine Sisters is really beautiful, with the woman playing the golden harp, and the woman in the garden... where is the harp photo from? Who plays it? I have always loved that truly angelical musical instrument, but never learned to play. Just the piano, which "comes natural" and is my first love from when I was small. I played other string instruments, as the violin and guitar, but the piano remained kind of all. Just sit down and the music pours out. I imagine the harp is much the same way. Gorgeous music and maybe you play a bit yourself? Let me know...


Did I tell you your beautiful photos of your Benedictine Convent came? Les (my former husband that I still live with) is interested in coming to AZ "for the birds" since he got new binoculars for his birthday, and I am interested in coming to meet you (in person) and see your beautiful church, so maybe one of these days I will actually be able to come and visit. What a treat that would be! Thank you so much for the invitation, which means the world to me.

I am going to get a special photo album just for all the wonderful pictures and letters you have sent me. I cherish them all, for always. I also love reading about your convent on the wonderful website you have: who designed it and maintains it for you? Seems I remember seeing a photo of a nun who was working on the computer in the office, and you mentioned something about it in one of your letters. Do you help out now with your considerable computer experience? You have learned so much yourself!

Your convent looks like a "dream come true," as I have always thought that I belonged in the monastic life. I had actually considered joining as a beginner - what is the term? Novitiate? when I was 14 years old in boarding school at Our Lady of the Lake in in San Antonio TX, but moved to Champaign-Urbana Ill. when I got pneumonia and had to go back to live with my family. That was the only time I was ever hospitalized for an illness, that I can remember... seems like I was sick for about two weeks. Long time for me back then. Going back to the bosom of my family was like descending into the bowels of hell (and the years before the convent boarding school, as well). A huge mistake I think, I always wondered how things would have been if I had not gotten ill... going back there the worst thing that could have happened to me there. But who knows? Everything is supposed to be for "spiritual growth and development," and I suppose being beaten and abused must have some "spiritual significance." My mother always insisted that I was "asked to leave" without further explanation, and made me believe that I was "kicked out" but I have written to the nuns about why I was "sent home" and they said I was so ill I had to be hospitalized, and that the doctors recommended that I be with my family. Of course, who wouldn't recommend that?

Why my mother chose to turn this into "I was asked to leave" is forever beyond my comprehension, and I spent YEARS believing this was yet another example of how I was "no good" even when I couldn't remember having been in trouble there! Finally in my 40's I wrote to the convent / school, and found out the truth. All those wasted years. For what? Always making everything out to be my fault and something I did wrong, even a hospitalization for pneumonia. What kind of mental illness is this called?

But that is how she has always been, so I have to learn to "turn the other cheek" and ignore it. Except for the family stories that now surround me, started by her, it seems to be over. But "family lore" tells a yellow-journalism tale and I don't know how to correct it. I guess that is why I am trying to write all these things down, so that there is some kind of "realistic history." I would not want this kind of shame visited upon my son any longer (it always has been) and if God Forbid he has children of his own, my grandchildren deserve to know the facts about "Grandma Catherine" and that I wasn't all bad, in fact I wasn't bad at all. "Katie" needs to know this too, even at this late stage, so I really appreciate your letting me write. I never intend to pour out all these memories that I wish were dead and gone, but when I get started - poof! There they appear. I think it's time for another banana!

I have fond memories of the campus of Our Lady of the Lake, and then the nightmare of returning to the "concentration camp." But those memories of praying in peace and solitude in the beautiful church and the grounds have stayed with me always, and have inspired many of the gardens I have built since then. What could be better than that?

I remember going back to Ill. "with the family" as "the dark years," when I was tortured almost to death and when darkness descended all around me and it seemed the nightmare would never end. But it did. There was no way out for the next two years, but I did finally legally gain my freedom when I turned 16 years old. Those two years did so much damage, but I did have the freedom in the previous year and I am SURE that all the praying and going to church must have made me strong enough to not only survive, but to leave. So I suppose in retrospect, there is something good to be said of that, as well. In fact, looking back on it now as I write these words, I can see that I have survived many more years in spite of that nightmare, and if nothing else, I have developed strength and compassion for other abused individuals. From compassion springs the greatest love and understanding, so even that experience has to be worth something.

I wish I could have stayed at the convent, even though I found many of the rules quite confining. I was also told more than once that I should consider "joining the Jesuits" since I always wanted we should all be living the "vow of poverty" more than we did in San Antonio, and I wanted to "argue theology" even at that young age!

But I'm sure things work out "the way they should at the time" or "for the best" one way or another. At least that's what everyone always says. I do remember being upset that the nuns would not allow me to continue going to swim team practice off-campus, even though I was a National champion swimmer and diver, and headed for the Olympics. They said I had to "choose between God and the Swim Team" which I still always remember and wonder about. I was 14 years old! Practice was off-campus and I had to take the bus, which I had been doing since I was 10 years old alone all the time, but the nuns would not allow it. I can understand their concerns, but it was a shame to miss out on that greatest of experiences. Later on the pneumonia knocked me out of the Olympic trials that year, and 4 years later I was off doing a ton of other things. One has to be in practice every day of one's life to make it to that level, and by age 18, I was at the Chicago Art Institute and hitchhiking around the country in 1968! Those are a whole bunch of other stories for yet another time. But I did survive the pneumonia, my only major illness, for which I am very grateful. Pneumonia was quite serious over 40 years ago.

Looking back on all this, for some reason, I apparently had to be "out in the world" for the majority of my life. Yet as I enter the latter third of my life I know the "contemplative life" is the only life for me, whether it's at a "home of my own making" such as I've done here with the gardens and all, or an established order for contemplation shared with other people. The quietness and tranquility is all that matters at this point. If I am going to survive, I must have GOD in my life on a constant, conscious basis. Your letters and emails help remind me of that, and lead me to it many, many times. Thank you for that!

Of course, God is always "in one's life," whether we know it or not, but I have to develop a life with a routine that allows and encourages me to recognize this fact at ALL TIMES, and reminds me to put EVERYTHING IN GOD'S HANDS. Writing this letter to you is a good exercise for that!

I am also trying to develop Gratitude, for the good and for the bad. Each morning, when I wake up, the first thing that pops in my mind is "thank you, thank you, thank you Lord" for the comfortable bed I am in, the soft quilts I sleep with, the bird songs outside my window, the flowers blooming on a constant basis, thanking God with their very presence and existence, and the sun, moon and the stars.

I am asking God to "remove any resentments I still hold in my heart" AND I "eat a banana every day," as you recommended! I always smile when I remember that letter, and I really do try to do this. Les has always eaten a banana each morning and he is in great physical shape, and doesn't seem to get depressed as I do, and you always have such a cheerful outlook that surely following your regime can't hurt and will most probably help, so I now do it too.

You would love the gardens here in Oxford that I've developed, as with the small statue of St. Francis in the daylily bed, and two beautiful tiered fountains with lilies all around, and the benches and bird feeder and hummingbird feeders and flowers and trees and sky and clouds and birds overhead one is "in a garden" even inside the house. I put in paned glass French doors and double windows in every room, which all look out on the trees and the flower beds surrounding the house. With every view you are "living in the garden" and the house is really incidental. It's really beautiful and peaceful and quiet and I often take my wireless laptop computer outside and work on it there. It's pretty great.

I haven't been much of a correspondent lately, as I have been swamped with things that need to be taken care of here, but it's all been very productive and it's good to be sorting and giving away and selling 40 years worth of accumulation. I can't believe how much I have saved over the years! And for what? Who knows? Some of it is, of course, valuable on a financial and / or personal level, but most of it can be given or sold at our weekly yard sale to someone else who is so happy to have it to use. So even though a lot of the boxes hold painful memories, when I whittle them down to what is really the most important, there's plenty to laugh about, be proud of, and be grateful for at the end of it. So the process is going "smoothly" when I am able to get started. Getting started is the important part, as I could answer email all day long and then I don't get my work done! So please accept my apologies for not keeping up as much as I should, but know that I read everything you send.

I am still waiting for Les to dig out the cassette player so I can listen to your beautiful church music! He actually found it buried in the sheds, and I have the cassette waiting until he can bring the player up to the house. I can't wait to get to AZ and hear you play in person! I have sold both my pianos and am bereft for the music that I played, so hope you will have one I can play when I get there, whenever that is and "come what may."

Thanks so much for being a wonderful part of my life. You have demonstrated to me that God does "love us all" and with God's Love, "all things are possible." I never thought this could be true. You are a true friend to all of us, and I can't tell you how much this means to me. God bless you as I know He / She already does!

Loved the photo of your charming cat "Boots," is it? Such a happy and comfortable cat with so many people just waiting to pet her, I bet!

Looking forward to more music, photos, mail and emails,

Your friend in Christ and God's Love, Katie (Catherine Todd)

P.S. Good Lord! I had no idea I would write so much... I started out just to thank you for the letters and photos and piano cassette! Hope it's alright I've written so much. I can edit these letters if you don't want to read the "dark parts," just give the word. In the meantime thanks again and again for helping me "let it all out." Hopefully somehow this will make a difference and make room for those oh-so-valuable and elusive qualities called "love and forgiveness."

--
*** Traveling:

"A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of a faraway place. A traveler on a plane sees the farmhouse and dreams of home." ~ Carl Burns

Words to live by: "Best of all is to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song." ~ Konrad von Gesner

"The world is made anew each day, for God makes it so. It contains within it all the good and all the evil as before; no more, no less, but the same." ~ Paraphrased from "The Crossing," by Cormac McCarthy

Catherine Todd
6754 Leaning Oak Rd. Oxford NC 27565
H 919.693.0853 U.S. cell 919.605.0727


More photos: http://www.tucsonmonastery.com/index.asp

Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration

Welcome from Sr. Lupita Barajas, OSB - Prioress



& from "Curmudgeon's Cave" blog, http://curmudgeonkc.blogspot.com/2005/11/benedictine-convent-of-perpetual.html

Cathedral of St. John, blessing of the animals

Cathedral of St. John the Divine, NYC

Cathedral of St. John the Divine, NYC

Medieval churches in / around Paris

Medieval churches in / around Paris
1 message
Catherine Todd Thu, Aug 16, 2007 at 8:35 AM
To: "Catherine S. Todd"
From: Re: Visiting Phil & Phyllis [Re: Cathedral of St. John the Divine

Part of email I sent to Uncle Johnny w/info about Medieval churches in / around Paris:

----- Original Message -----
From: Catherine Todd
To: John Merrick
Sent: Sunday, August 12, 2007 11:01 PM
Subject: Cathedral of St. John the Divine & see you soon, I hope...

Dear Uncle Johnny,

I'm in NYC getting ready to go back to NC tomorrow night (Monday 7:30 pm). Early this evening, I attended the most wonderful church in NYC, The Cathedral of St. John the Divine for "Choral Evensong" singing on Sundays at 6:00 pm, right near where I stay when I'm here. See: http://www.stjohndivine.org/worship_music.html

And since I can't get back to my beloved Paris, I love visiting this church as much as the little chapel wing near the Notre-Dame Cathedral, on île de la Cité, with the gorgeous hand carved organ and accapella singing soaring into the huge, towering Medieval rafters and curves and arcs of the ceiling... we sit in the ancient wood prayer seats with carved wooden doors and marble altar rails, every inch a work of art by unnamed hands who worked "for the glory of God" (and their daily pay!).

I will have to find out the proper names for all these Medieval Church parts one of these days so I can give an accurate description. The church has all kinds of programs (stone carving, tapestry restoration, music and more) and a gorgeous garden with fantastic sculpture, and I believe it's a non-denominational church which is right up my alley. I always try to schedule my trips around being able to get to the Cathedral at 6:00 pm on Sunday, as it's about the only time I ever enter a church. But it's wonderful. Very short sermon, always simple and sweet: tonight's was "how to and the importance of getting along with one's neighbors." Took about 5 or 10 minutes and then more gorgeous music, soaring through the stained glass windows into the early evening night. You would have really enjoyed it.

I just came across this interesting database of Medieval Churches around Paris, hadn't seen this before:
Medieval Database churches in Paris Basin 'A-B' by John James ... - 10:52pmParis Basin Churches A-B. List of all the 1740 churches with something from 1100-1250 period click for map. Prepared by John James, 24 Auguste 2004. ...
http://www.johnjames.com.au/medievaldatabase-parischurches-A-B.shtml

and Pictures of Paris, France Photographs of Notre-Dame Cathedral on île de la Cité, pictures of the most famous of churches in Paris. The Pyramide Inversée, seen from the outside at www.davidphenry.com/Paris/index.htm


I also carry your little book "Everyday Suchness" with me everywhere, as it just fits in my purse. I can't tell you what a difference it has made to my mental state. All I have to do is pick it up and open it and it falls right to wherever and whatever I need to "study upon" for that moment in time. Plus the language is simple enough that even I can understand! I'm going to look for more books by it's author, Gyomay M. Kubose. Buddhist writing and thought really is right up my alley. I can't thank you enough.


In the meantime, I hope to plan to come back to visit you in 10 days or 2 weeks, and will look for my ticket on Tues. as soon as I get back. Thanks for sending me all those airline sale emails, they really help a lot!


I don't know if I mentioned it, but visiting you must have brought me lots of good luck! When I got back we closed on the white house that had been on and off the market with the buyer's financing falling through, and they finally were able to get all their ducks in a row and started moving last week! I got this good news in the morning and then in the afternoon that same day a person called and wants to buy the little green house for $10,000.00 more than we had thought we might have to list it at (for a quick sale) so things are finally falling into place! All because I came to see you, I'm sure! We're getting the last little yellow house done and it's just a half a day or so for the final plumbing hookups, final finish on the beautiful old hardwood floors, final inspection, and we'll be moving into a house that I've redone where I finally get to use one of the whirlpool tubs I've put in for everybody else! Hah - ha - ha! Finally, I get to enjoy some of the "fruits of my labor" at long last! Can't wait, let me tell you.


When I do get to PeachTree City, I've been wondering what you'd enjoy doing: are there any botanical gardens nearby we could visit? Or how about some topiary gardens, or just going to a fabulous nursery? I'd love to help out in the yard as well, and will bring down whatever you'd like, including some of my wholesale bulb catalogs. I've been "working my way through them" for a number of years now. Eventually I will have planted just about every kind of lily they offer, and most of the daffodils! And that's saying a lot.

I loved seeing your garden and all that you've done with it; really fabulous. Send me the name of those roses, and maybe I can bring back some cuttings when I come.

See you soon, I hope... how does 10 - 14 days sound for your calendar? That would be towards the end of August. Call me on my cell tomorrow if you want to: 919-605-0727, or Home # 919-693-0853 Tues. and after, or send an email... I'll call you when I'm back on Tues. and can look at the airport travel schedule. See you again soon, I hope!

Love, Katie

--
*** Traveling:

"A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of a faraway place. A traveler on a plane sees the farmhouse and dreams of home." ~ Carl Burns

Words to live by: "Best of all is to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song." ~ Konrad von Gesner


"The world is made anew each day, for God makes it so. It contains within it all the good and all the evil as before; no more, no less, but the same." ~ Paraphrased from "The Crossing," by Cormac McCarthy

Catherine Todd
6754 Leaning Oak Rd. Oxford NC 27565
H 919.693.0853 U.S. cell 919.605.0727